Marriage

On Monday, the State of New Jersey became the 13th state to allow same-sex couples to get married, which is a legally defined relationship according to the laws of the state.  “Married” couples have more rights and privileges than “civil unions” or “domestic partnerships,” particularly around health care benefits and advocacy, and income taxes.  These are all laws established by the State, not the Church.

On Tuesday, our Bishop and Bishop-Elect co-issued a Pastoral Letter to the Diocese in regard to the change of the marriage law in New Jersey.  Following the previous statement of pastoral oversight, the clergy of the diocese are allowed to marry same-sex couples using the authorized liturgy passed by the 2012 General Convention I Will Bless You and You Will Be a Blessing: Resources for the Witnessing and Blessing of a Lifelong Covenant in a Same-Sex Relationship. Clergy must, however, offer the same canonically mandated pre-marital counseling given to heterosexual couples.  Clergy are allowed, in any situation, to decline to marry a couple if the cleric feels the couple is unprepared to enter into such a covenanted relationship.  

Some of you are rejoicing at this change in the state law, others will find it extremely challenging.  I want to assure you that, regardless of the law, my position has not changed.  The sacraments of the Church are not governed by the law of the land – this is the intention of the separation between Church and State.  No one can demand access to a sacrament based on a civil law.  I believe a person (or persons) should receive instruction and be prepared to undertake the commitment one makes to God in regard to any sacrament.

That being said, I have and will offer to officiate at marriage of any couple, whether same-sex or heterosexual, who I believe meet the necessary requirements.  I do not take this privilege lightly or frivolously.  Our culture’s obsession with spending obscene amounts of money on dresses, cakes, venues, etc., overshadows the solemn and sober purpose of the occasion - committing one’s life, love and fidelity to another person.  It is truly awesome and something that, I believe, can only be accomplished with God’s help and blessing. And that can only offered by the Church, not the state.

I will admit that I would rather not be an “agent of the state” (i.e. sign a marriage license).  While I am honored to officiate at weddings, as I mentioned above, sometimes the trappings outshine the meaning.  A couple can get “married” at the courthouse, but you can only receive God’s blessing through the Church (not necessarily at a church, as some believe). A celebration of the occasion is appropriate, but not to the point of 2nd mortgages and bankruptcy.  That is not what God wants!

What God wants is to be the most important priority of our lives.  With the right partner, God’s love can be exponentially more imminent in our lives when God is at the center of that relationship.  That is what I celebrate.  

In Christ,

Rev. Valerie+

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Give God the Glory

Reflections on Chapters 12-14 of the Book of the Acts of the Apostles Years ago, I had a grandparent chargingly ask me if it was OK for her to be proud of her granddaughter, because she had been taught, “Pride goeth before the fall.”   I assured her that being proud of her grandchild was not a sin when the feeling was offered in thanksgiving of the accomplishment and not boosting up one’s own ego. “Look at what I have done,” has been the down fall of many people because they neglect or forget those that helped them achieve their goals. The Book of Acts shares story after story of the importance of acknowledging that all power and might comes from God, to whom we should offer our thanks and praise.   When our egos take over and we congratulate only ourselves for what we have done, we become idolatrous. Chapter 12 records an terrible story of King Herod’s response to the apostles.   He outright kills James and then arrests Peter, who is guarded by over 30 men. Yet, despite
Read more

A Christmas Poem

‘Twas a week before Christmas and all through the land The Church reminded us that the Savior’s birth was at hand. The season is not about the perfection of glitter But about a loving God who would not leave us bitter. And so God sent us the Son wrapped up like a present In the garb of our mortality, the human flesh of a peasant. The cookies may not be made, the decorations may not be hung, The cards may not be sent, the lights may not be strung. Yet let us all make the true preparations for the coming of our Savior And open our hearts and lives to the Lord’s loving favor. No more precious gift has ever been received. It is up to us to remind the world what we truly believe. Not in jolly old elves, talking snowmen or reindeer in flight But in God, who loves us with all of God's might. So stop for a moment and take a deep breath, As we await the Christ, the true conqueror of death. Let go of the need to fulfill a secular call to perfection
Read more

A Sloppy Track

Reflections on Acts of the Apostles Chapters 15-17 This past Saturday was the 144 th running of the Kentucky Derby.   As with all outdoor events, it is at the mercy of Mother Nature, and sometimes she doesn’t seem to care that the humans prefer sunny, dry weather.   However, a certain horse named Justified was the odds-on favorite to win if it was a sloppy track.   And indeed it was.   Rain poured down for most of the day and it didn’t stop by the time the big race was scheduled to start.   The track was a sloppy as I have ever seen a horse race track be.   Justified loved it – and won. It seems counter-intuitive to me that such adverse conditions could led to victory.   What I would consider ideal conditions (sunny, warm but not hot, dry) was the complete opposite of what made Justified thrive.   The reality is that “ideal” conditions are rare – there is always something that is a bit sloppy or not exactly to our liking.   What is important is how we choose to act in those
Read more