Blue Christmas

2015 has been a difficult year at St. Barnabas.  Two of our beloved members, Bill Eldred and Helena Hrinkevich, died and entered into eternal glory. Many members have also experienced loss of close family and friends.  Several members are dealing with major health issues, their own or those of family members.  Each of these events are significant on their own, and as a whole they can feel overwhelming. 

It was only year ago that Bill was diagnosed with cancer.  His absence has been deeply felt this year.  Helena had not been able to come to church for a while, but we all knew it was important to have her “spot” ready for her in the back of the church when we replaced the pews.  It is ready for someone else now.

We have cause to feel blue this holiday season for one reason or another, and it is important that we recognize the reality of how our circumstances have changed over the last few years. Things are different because people we love are no longer with us or things we once could do we cannot, which changes the way we live and how we are as a community of faith are with each other.  I believe it is important to mourn what we have lost.  We need to grieve, as painful as it is, because it claims the reality of what is, knowing that things have changed when we would rather they didn’t.

Episcopalians are jokingly known for their resistance to change.  “How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?  12 – one to change it and 11 to say how much they liked the old one.”  We can laugh at ourselves even as we recognize the truth. Change is disrupting and unsettling, which is why many of us try to avoid it.  Unfortunately avoiding it only delays the inevitable and makes accepting the new reality even harder, since (often) by the time we are ready to deal with that change, another change has already happened.

You might be wondering why I have not mentioned Jesus yet.  Hopefully you know that Jesus is part of everything we do or say, but I also don’t want to cut off the reflection before it is time.  We can’t get to Easter Sunday without sitting at the foot of the cross on Good Friday.  The pain and suffering are real and we must take the time to acknowledge it.  If we don’t, it will eventually catch up with us.  And Christmas is not a good enough reason to avoid it (it’s still Advent, by the way).  We should not force ourselves to be “merry and bright” because that is what the world is telling us to do.  I have no doubt that one day we will feel that way again.  But that day is not today, and that is OK.

We need to feel the grief and sorrow in order to understand truly what joy is.  While our culture tells us we do not need to feel anything “bad,” it is a disservice to ourselves to think we can live life fully by avoiding so called “negative” feelings.  As faithful Christians, we can cry just like Jesus did at the grave of Lazarus AND know that we will not lose ourselves in the grief.  

It is real and heartbreaking when we mourn.  To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, the joy we had when our loved one was with us is part of the pain when they are gone.  Another saying I saw recently: “Grief is the last act of love we have to give those who we loved. Where there is deep grief there is great love.” These emotions are an essential part of our human condition, just as death is.  We can face both with faith and know that God is present to us, especially in the depths of our despair.

God will not and does not leave us comfortless.  We have the presence of the Holy Spirit guiding all of us to offer sympathy and consolation by sharing memories while shedding tears.  We ask God for strength and courage to face the new reality, whatever that might be, and bit by bit, find our way together as a community.


There will be a Blue Christmas Service at St. Barnabas on Saturday, December 12th at 5 PM that makes the space we need in order to allow ourselves to grieve for our losses.  You may bring a picture of those you are mourning to post if you would like.  As we await the coming of our Savior in mortal form, we acknowledge our own mortality and ask God’s help in living life completely.  
In Christ,
Rev. Valerie+

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