Resuscitating Self-Control

In the era of “Reality TV,” where bad behavior gets one elevated to celebrity status, even a modicum of self-control is ridiculed.  It has no sense of drama or angst associated with it, and so it fades into the background with other traits like honesty, wisdom and responsibility. The last mentioned fruit of the Spirit from Galatians 5:23, self-control usually gets relegated to diet-related aspects of our behavior, “If I had more self-control, I wouldn’t eat this donut.”  But this is a superficial way of engaging in a crucial part of our spiritual lives.

As St. Paul writes to the Romans, “I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.” (Romans 7:18b-19) It seems to be part of human nature to work against our better selves, to work against God’s will in our lives, even when we know better.  Relying on the ideal of self-control as a something initiated from within the individual sets us up for utter failure.  Rather, self-control as a spiritual practice that is manifest from God.  It invites us into a deeper relationship that lets us to envision the consequences of our actions prior to doing them and allows that to direct our decision of how to respond and react according to God’s will and commandments.

Jesus shows great self-control is this week’s Gospel, the resuscitation of Lazarus (John 11:1-45).  He hears that his beloved friend is ill and his sister’s beg him to come heal him, but he purposely waits two extra days to visit them in order for Lazarus to die.  Jesus explains that this situation must unfold as it does in order for God to be glorify through him.  It must have been very difficult for Jesus to allow his friend to die when he knew he could prevent it.  He exercised great self-control to allow God’s plan to unfold as needed.

Similarly, Martha shows self-control when she meets Jesus.  Lamentation – crying and sobbing at the grave of a loved one – is practically an art form in the Middle East.  Although Martha confronts Jesus with his tardiness, she is not so overcome in her grief that she isn’t assured that through Jesus, all shall be well.  She testifies to her faith in him as Messiah and is trusts that Jesus will revive him.  Her sister Mary is does not show as much self-control when she confronts Jesus, which moves Jesus deeply, probably because his own actions caused her pain.  But clearer heads prevail and Lazarus is soon resuscitated, which causes many to believe in Jesus, the intention from the start.

It is all too easy to be swept up in emotions and expectations that self-control is ignored or destroyed.  The key to nurturing this fruit of the Spirit is to make it part of our foundation, part of what makes us who we are, how we think, act and respond to our circumstances.  Even if we can take a moment to ask, “Is what I am about to do or say respecting everyone’s dignity?” fosters self-control.  Imagine what our society who be like if we resuscitated self-control to be a quality that was admired, even celebrated!


By recognizing that the term “self-control” can be misleading in the idea that following God’s will is solely dependent on our own abilities, we allow for the Spirit to work through us, which deepens our relationship with God.  We do need to be open to the Spirit’s presence in our lives, breathing new life into our thoughts, words and deeds every day.  When we work with the Spirit, we feel more in control because we are following God’s will.  It may not be high drama, but it much more rewarding. 

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